Ad for a new Flatmate

Ad for a new Flatmate
Double room available
All bills included
Adorable black cat also in the flat
No couples, no smokers

You seem nice
You like cats
You say you need to move ASAP
You’re current landlady has started getting drunk and fighting you at 1 am
Your sleeve moves up
I think it’s a burn or a bruise

You roll up your sleeve
Blotched with deep blues and greens are a full set of teeth
It’s a bite
A human bite!
I could make a mold and identify a corpse with the indents in your skin
That looks pretty bad, I say

I think she hit a nerve, it’s gone all numb

That’s an infection, I say

It’s a bit infected, but I put tea tree oil on it. I’ll leave it 2 more days. But I don’t want you to think I’m anti-doctor or anything.

I think you are.

You should get that checked out, human bites are pretty bad.

Not worse than a dog bite, surely! You say. They can give you rabies.

So can humans I say. If they have rabies.

Ad for a new Flatmate
Double room available
All bills included
Adorable black cat also in the flat
No couples, no smokers, no human bites.